Pregnant Moms: More Than a Baby Maker

Photo by Max Pixel

A pregnant woman is walking in the park, but then is interrupted by a stranger touching her stomach, stroking and patting her abdomen. The stranger gives a few curt statements about child-rearing then walks away. A whimpering cry is heard in the delivery room, and all the doctors and nurses are nodding in approval, tending to the infant. Meanwhile, the mother is fatigued and disoriented, with no one to tend to her, left to lie there relatively ignored. At home, the mother is holding her child while suffering from postpartum depression, doubtful of her abilities to be a good parent. These scenarios are surprisingly common in the day-to-day life of a pregnant mother. People seem to be more concerned about the well-being of the baby rather than the woman rearing it. The mother - even while pregnant - still retains all her freedoms and rights, and should be treated as a woman beginning motherhood, rather than a baby-making vessel. 

We can first see the freedoms of some women being stripped away during the prenatal stage of their pregnancy: Being ordered what to do and what not to do, being lectured by older women of what worked for them and that they should do the same, being surrounded by people constantly asking about what the plans are for the baby. For a first-time mother, this is extremely stressful and overbearing. Perhaps for some, they appreciate all of the experience and advice others give to them, but after several months it starts to get old, and they feel obliged to follow every direction given to them or otherwise completely ignore them. How disheartening is it to find out you can't eat what you want or drink alcohol anymore? The reason why mothers are told otherwise is because there hasn't been enough research done on the matter, and doctors don't seem to trust women on their alcohol consumption. Because of this, pregnant women get denied service by restaurants or even arrested for  child abuse. According to an article on Parents.com,"[a]s recently as 2005, in Wisconsin, a visibly pregnant woman seen drinking alcohol could be taken into police custody." It all comes down to personal choice: If a woman chooses to have a drink once a week, she should feel free to. If a woman chooses to abstain from alcohol during her pregnancy, she should feel free to. In neither case should women be scolded or lectured by others. As long as they are aware of the risks involved in their decision, it is their choice to do what they feel is appropriate for themselves and their baby doing during their pregnancy, and no one else's. 

When the mother's belly starts to become visibly pregnant, there seems to be another strange slew of events that happen, shifting focus again from the mother to the baby. It is usually in this stage where the personal bubble gets popped and the abdominal area becomes a petting zoo for strangers - usually other women. There are a lot of pregnant women who deal with strangers feeling their bellies and often feel self-conscious and uncomfortable. Their bodies are changing and they already live with the discomfort of that. It doesn't need to be emphasized with others gawking and feeling them up. Most times, the baby isn't even moving around or kicking, so when a stranger puts their hands on a woman's tummy, it's very unsettling. Of course, this would be different if a stranger asked permission before touching a pregnant belly, but in most cases they let themselves in, give unsolicited advice which may or may not offend the mother, then leave when they're satisfied with their experience. The baby bump is seen more as a display case, seemingly advertising: "Look here! Touch here! Baby Inside!" But this is not the case. When walking a dog, people should ask for permission before petting it. During sex, both partner have to ask for consent before proceeding with intercourse. When pregnant, mothers should be able to retain their privacy and personal space. The baby is not a touch-and-feel exhibit. It is a part of a woman's body and they should be able to give permission to whether or not others can touch their bodies, no matter how happy and excited someone else is about your baby.

After nine months of carrying around your child, suffering from back pains, strange dietary changes, and sleeping on your side when you used to be a stomach-sleeper, the baby is finally born. This is the most crucial time for the mother and baby to bond, right after birth. Though, often times the baby gets overexposed to people and loud conversations, and other people begin to steal that bonding time away from the mother when the baby is born. The baby becomes the most important thing in the room and gets passed around while the mother is exhausted and wants nothing more than to hold her baby. After staying in bed for several hours (or days in some cases), the mother is able to leave, overwhelmed with the new responsibility of raising a child. At this point, the mother also gets another onslaught of lecturing and unsolicited advice.

There are services that provide the support pregnant women and first-time mothers need, like pregnancy counseling and doulas, but there are some women who are unaware these types of services exist, and go through their pregnancy based on their own intuition and what they hear from others or the internet. Women planning on having a child can be scared of the idea of a painful childbirth or their bodies changing drastically for almost a year. They might choose to put it off due to economic or educational decisions. Women need to be educated and supported properly through their pregnancy, and have their social needs and desires met without the intrusions of others forcing their hands and opinions onto them. Mothers deserve to maintain their rights as women - to be able to maintain their freedom of choice and personal space. Pregnant moms are people, not baby makers.

Photo by Wendy Kenin